Mid-term season begins

So now that the plethora of papers and various assisgnments are over, now brings the mind numbing studying for mid-terms as well as the mid-terms themselves!  I can just taste the freedom of having a little over two weeks of no classes and being able to be a bit spontaneous. I have to admit, finding the balance in having a bit of fun, has been a bit challenging but I am getting there.

I went to one of the best concerts of my life!  Seeing Prince was amazing, magnificent and something I will remember for years to come.  6 Encore performances accompanied his concert performance, something that only he could do and in true dramatic splendor that only his fans could appreciate.  I totally geeked out at the talent he had playing with him, from his back up singers to his sax, bass, guitar, piano and drum players....was something which brings me back to my band geek days. 

Esperenza Spalding - Bass
Shelby J - Voice - she had the coolest bedazzled artwork on her bald head!!!
Morris Hayes - Keyboards
John Blackwell - Drums

Okay enough of me geeking out about it I'll will do another post later and link some of the footage I took as it was beyond amazing!


I have to say this year has been one full of challenges, however as I progress in my journey there are things that I realize about myself.  With each passing phase, stumbling block/challenge/moment of growth I become much more aware and comfortable with myself.  It feels like findng centre when you are in search of trying to balance yourself on one leg.  It is never dull!

I wish I could write more but I am losing my focus....till next time!

A bit of a breakdown...

So I am trying to get the last of my assignments completed from assignmentpalooza, 2 weeks of intense work, school and trying to have a bit of a life. A balance is what I am striving for but I realize I am human and the operative word to me getting balance is: trying.

I am trying to get to that magical place of cutting some slack for myself. That this season of work and semesters of school are intense, complicated and beyond grueling. I have to admit that there are times that I want to throw in the towel, however fleeting it is at least I can admit it to myself. I quickly remind myself that it is something I promised myself that I would do, finish a degree and go back to complete another. I also have to keep reminding myself that it is a journey, not a race and that I also have the advantage to a degree of being older. When it comes to school, I do not fight things I do not know, at least not superficially. I realize that my need to take research methods is not for me to become a researcher, this is not where my 'heart' lies. My taking this prerequisite, is part in parcel a bureaucratic, policy and revenue making endeavor that my university has deemed necessary. In keeping with the branding of the university of seeing different perspectives of the same thing, research methods (or stats take your poison) is just one of those things I will take, hate and fingers cross pass.

So in saying my realization and resignation to knowing that my end goal is to pass, I had a bit of moment last night. Fueled by sleep deprivation, stressed with a heavy workload; just like my colleagues, on top of just general frustration of my current state, I had to have an emotional moment where all I did was shed tears and blow my nose into half a box of Kleenex. I knew that this moment was coming; I just didn't think it would happen right then and there. So instead of fighting it, I had a good cry, washed my face brushed my teeth and went to bed VERY early with the intention of waking up before the sun did.

I am still trying to get this assignment out of my head and on to paper, but there is a part of me that really doubts myself in thinking that I understand what is being asked of me, and me trying to execute it with the very least a modicum of success. I guess it comes down to the fear of being wrong. So I have to challenge myself in seeing that sometimes and especially in this case it might be good to be wrong! I can learn from my mistakes and hopefully apply them to the next time something like this comes along (cause they usually do).

So here's to my attempt of doing the last of my assignments well, hopefully I will get a better mark than I did on my last assignment!!!

In the final stretch....

So am just rounding the final bend of the two week marathon of assignments.  It feels so close and yet so far, let me tell you I can taste the finish line which will be full of fun times, booze and probably some much needed sleep!

What I have learnt is that yes I thrive on challenges, ones that engage me these-well these were not full of engagement other than for me to get'er done and hand'er in.  I did learn that I should plan more for these and incorporate breaks for a big glass of wine curled up with a tv program or book I have been meaning to watch and or read.  Also the social aspect of just hanging out with friends, I SO miss that.  I must get back to this as I feel like quite the loner, shut in at home, or a coffee shop armed with my laptop, various notebooks, binders and my trusty ipod.  I want to just shed them for a little bit and scheduled some 'Fun-E time'.  This my friends is a definite.

Work-life-school-study-sleep balance is a fuckin' doozy this go-round.  I have consumed copious amounts of coffee, and red bull.  Enough to make me realize that on occasion, I have caffinated myself just a wee-too much and had to readjust with a sleeping aid.  I am determined to get this semester under control and at best pass with a grade anyone who is working full-time (and sometimes thensome) while going to school part-time can.  I gave up the dream of pulling A's as these are not 'bird' courses.  These courses require a different kind of focus, one which only someone who is going to school full-time can devote.  This is not me giving up, but realizing that passing will need to be my only goal this semester.  Any further pressure I put on myself could result in anxiety, and for someone who is truly harder on herself than anyone ever could be; would result in a death spiral of depression and disappointment.

So with that realiztion that yes, I can do three grueling assignments ove the span of two weeks while working full-time; that some things will be sacrificed, like:  sleep, sex, fun, eating, fun, drinking, fun, socializing oh and did I mention FUN?!!!

I am not complaining, just stating facts, and with that there is tonnes of lessons learned here, which I will impart on another day when a lit-review of five scholarly, peer reviewed journal articles are not due on Thursday.

E, over and out till next post!

The time of assignments...

So in keeping with my experimentation I am writing again to help get the writing 'juices' going. I finally completed and handed my assignment that was due yesterday. With approximately 3 hours sleep and help from my co-workers/friends, I was able to work, get feedback from what I wrote in the early hours of Monday morning, edit my paper and then go to class to hand it in!

Now onto my first presentation of the year, it’s about sampling and let me tell you I am actually interested in it, or I should say that it has engaged me enough to want to learn as much as I can. I guess that saving face (insert sociological term) is really what is motivating me. I do not want to look like I do not know anything or that I am ill-prepared so I am doing my best to appear somewhat knowledgeable (I'm not going for expert on this) enough to let my T.A. know that I understood it and maybe get some class participation from my peers. Fingers crossed yet again and wish me luck!

I do have to share my feelings about missing the Halloween festivities and Halloween night. It is really one of my favourite holidays, yes I said holidays because to me it is truly something to celebrate. Aside from free candy; this is more for the kids, I really thrive off the creativity people put into their costumes. I do not mean take a costume like a bumble bee and make it 'slutty bumble bee', no I mean something that makes you say: 'AWESOME costume' Alas there will be more Halloween’s in my future but this year I was sad that I couldn't partake in dressing up.

Well cry now laugh later, this is my mantra about having to accomplish my studies so that I can truly (and eventually) enjoy life sooner. Ahhhh sacrifice...it’s a doozy but I know in my bones it is worth it!!

• So what did you do for the halloween weekend? 
• Did you dress up and if so what did you dress up as? (no judgement if it was slutty, its just not my bag)
• Did you go trick-or-treating with the kiddies and if so how much loot did you confiscate?
• What was your favourite costume when you dressed up for halloween? (gotta live vicariously through my peers)

Till next post!

Halloween, Zombies and vivid dreams

So I usually enjoy halloween, it is like christmas to me.  The creative juices flowing in deciding:  What should I be this year?  If I should make or buy as costume and where from!  Well this year due to way my courses were designed I have had to forgo dressing up for hitting the books writing papers and creating presentations for grades. So in spirit of this day I thought I would take a break from studying and watched Zombie Land. 


Granted it was funny and I chuckled but my overactive imagination always seems to take what I've viewed to the next level.  The dreams I had were....vivid, there is something about zombie movies which seem almost possible, like the outcome of a virus could turn the human population into something much like a zombie.  I guess that is one of the many points movies like these are trying to make.  They make you question the posibility, question what would you do if this were to actually happen.

For those who went out for the Halloween weekend I hope you had a great time and for those, who will be out tomorrow on the actual Halloween evening I do hope you get all the candy you can carry and that you consume it responsibly (free is good but the consequences of consuming too much makes free seem not worth the over-indulgence).

Best!

My Reflections...

Realizations are my 'ah ha' moments, or what some could and do call epiphany’s. I do enjoy my realizations about things and how much I can stand in my own way without even realizing it. More often than not this seems to be the case, and I'll need to ask those of you who are not afraid to speak up, to give me a nudge, or shake to make me take a side step in getting in my own way of progress.
I realize, I am my own worst critic, that I am harder on myself than most people are on me that I tend to be alot in my head and do not always say what I am feeling. I guess the root of that is fear, fear of being rejected, looking stupid, feeling stupid and even told that I have no right to say and feel the way I am feeling.

This year for my fall and winter term classes I picked doozies, and they right now are not interesting, stimulating and I have that feeling that I think I will never use them and that they are pointless. Needless to say, when I registered for these courses-I thought I would at least enjoy aspects of them. Right now I am staring at the screen looking at my notes for a paper due on Monday and inspiration is the furthest thing from me. I thought why not try to do some writing which will hopefully spin off into my assignment due? So this is why I am doing this entry today, to get my creative juices flowing (hopefully) and spin this off into my paper...so fingers crossed. I do hope that this theory works as I have a few more assignments due this week and next week! I will keep you posted as I do my best to post before, (perhaps even during) and after my assignments.

On to another realization which happened this week, my great-uncle (on my grandmother's side) passed away and his funeral is today. I only met him a couple times in my life, however the memories of being able to experience him has stayed with me. He did have a 'way' with words, a big personality but even with that something I think is synonymous with him and my grandmother is their great ability in the kitchen! He was a great cook in the kitchen and could make anything taste fantastic! I do have some regret, in that I really did not get to know him and his children very well and I guess the 'getting-to-know-you' goes both ways. I guess that is just how life goes sometimes and especially with such a big family. Overall I feel sad in that my cousins, my great-uncles wife (Deb), his grandchildren, nieces, nephews and siblings lost someone. I know that we all are selfish in that we want our family members to live eternally, however 75 years is a good time on this earth. I do know that what memories I do have of my great-uncle, I will cherish until my end of days.

Another realization I have wanted to share but had some difficulties in putting it into the right words is about friendships and friends. These last couple of years I have had some great and some not-so-great people come into my life. In regards to the short-term friendships which impacted me in a positive way I am thankful for, they opened me up to things I was once closed off to, or neglected in myself. I can speak volumes about how and what they did, but I do not want to bore or divulge information which either myself or these people do not want have disclosed so I will just leave it at that.

I am going to now to speak to the friendships which impacted me negatively, although there was and still is some fantastic learning’s from these relationships what it did left me with was a bad taste in my mouth and hurt feelings. There was someone whom I met through mutual friends and granted this friendship was tumultuous at times I felt I was my most honest with this person. An opportunity came up for employment at my workplace (there is a lesson in this my friend if you haven't learned this one already) and I advised them of it. I did stipulate that how they knew me outside of work would vary to that inside of the workplace and, if they were fine with this that I would forward their resume onto the 'hiring powers'. This supposed friend agreed and said it was fine and they eventually were hired.

Well as most of you can already guess, this relationship both inside and outside the workplace deteriorated. The relationship ended despite a few times to revive it. I did my best to take the high road, however this person then went to spread some horrible rumours to our mutual friends, so much so that they convinced them to alienate me. I was aware that something was said to these supposed friends and gave them the benefit of my doubt that they were reasonable people and would understand that there were three sides to every 'story' (theirs, mine and the truth). Unfortunately this did not happen and did not know the exact 'story' which was told to this group of friends until a dear friend from this circle decided to tell me this summer, she knew I would never do what I was accused of.

I was upset and very hurt as someone was trying to speak the character of me and the values I have. I would never disrespect a friend’s romantic relationship; I do my best to always respect it. I would never walk around saying that I was sleeping with my friends partner or even do something like that, I respect myself and my relationships with my friends way too much to do that. Since knowing this, I now feel a bit on edge when I with my true friends and I know it is something I will need to work through. I do not know what I will say whenever I see this person but I do know that it will not be silence, it will be handled with a modicum of respect for myself as well as class BUT they will know that this will not be tolerated. In terms of the 'friends' who decided to not question the source of where this rumour came from I will keep at a distance and refer to them more as acquaintances.


These are all the reflections I will share today as I think I have geared up to get this paper put to bed and then onto the next assignment....a presentation using neither Power Point or You Tube, about the topic of film!  Wish me luck :)

• So what would you do if you picked courses that turned out to something which you knew did not hold your interest, however you knew you had to take as it was a pre-requisite?
• Do you regret not spending time with your extended family?  If so what would you do to correct that?
• In terms of friendships, what would you do if you had a friendship which ended badly and resulted in the 'ex'-friend spreading false rumours about you?

Till my next post!!!

Reminders...What do you do to give yourself a reality check?

I was reminded today that I need to celebrate what I have accomplished and continue to do so and to keep focused on what I am doing  while not trying to concentrate on what I am not doing. I was also reminded of how extremely hard I am on myself. I push myself because I want to see how far I can go, not to mention I am fearful of complacency. I had a bit of a moment today when I realized that a goal I set for myself was not entirely realistic to my situation. However, it still is a little disappointing that the very advantageous goal I wanted to achieve is beyond my current situation.


Nevertheless I was reminded that I have decided to pursue a difficult goal which most people are not capable to do. During my first year back in university, I took on more responsibility at my full-time job, despite carrying a 40% course load. In and of itself, what I have done and will continue to do this fall, and for the next few years is something which is both extremely challenging and rewarding, as it gets me closer to the aspiration of attaining my Honours BA Soci.  What I should be doing now and every time I pass a course, is reward myself by celebrating each milestone I set for myself.  During this fall and winter semesters, I will have a 50% course load, on top of re-defining my role and studying to get my PMP.  A lot to take on; however it is something that whets my appetite, a challenge to push myself and see where all of this will take me. 

So here’s to my current and continued success of being that person who needs to learn, grow and attain each challenge I set out for myself.  Complacency is a word that does not exist in my world of challenge!

Do you believe you are your own worst critic?  How do you remind yourself that you are human and it is okay to push yourself but not over-do it? What do you do to celebrate, and recognize your achievements?  What do you think I should do to celebrate my first successful year back to school?

School---> work, Work---> school, School--->work; What to do and how much to do...

So I checked my marks a couple of weeks ago, finally after sitting on the fence in debating in knowing my results I bit the bullet and went on line.  To my amazement I passed, yes I am amazed, my friends and colleagues are not.  They knew I would do well and succeed beyond my expectations.  I am now off of academic advisement and am in good standing to be admitted to the Honours program.

I registered last week for the 2011-2012 Fall/Winter Semester and in typical fashion debated on taking more than the alloted 40% course load I assigned to myself.  In checking  what I have left to complete my Honours BA, I realized I have quite a bit to go.  For a moment it felt like I was looking up from the bottom of a very large mountain, but I need to keep reminding myself; its the journey NOT the destination.  I've been toying with taking on more courses but the idea is a bity scary in the sense of meeting my work and school obligations with success.  Curently with the course load I have registered for, puts me at 50% course load.  Another course will put me at approximately at a little over 70%.

In the midst of this change at work I want to be able to create a new role in what I already do, but am stuck in what direction to go in.  In my current role I have done pretty much everything and with no new project in sight that will challenge me in ways I have not been and no change to be promoted within the company my choices in avenues are definately different.  If I can not move vertically at the moment I will need to move horizontally, the big questions are how? and where?  Am still trying to figure this one out, and time is quickly passing me as I have to have some semblance of a plan before classes start after labour day.  Am not going to lie, I am a bit freaked out and a little stressed about it.

I know I am not one to be complacent, but being uncertain is something I do not totally enjoy and that is what I feel right now with the choices I have in front of me.  I do not want to over committ myself to something I am not vested in or will fail at.  I do not want to committ to something I know I will not complete or even enjoy.  Yet, I find myself feeling like I will be doing all of the above.  I have a few more years left to complete my degree and what I would really love most is just do that full time and not have to worry about working a full-time job.  However that is not a viable situation at the moment, alas I will need to make this work while pursuing this very personal goal of mine.

In an ideal world I see myself being able to take on my 70% course load as well as redefining and expanding my role at work.  In this ideal world I will be doing these both very successfully to the point that I get what I need to be enagaged in my work life until I finish my degree.

What would you do if you were me?  Do you think it is very advantageous of me to work full time and go to school full time these next two semesters?  What would you do in your work life if you had the opportunity to redefine your role?  Would you take it on along with school or would you just keep doing what you are doing and focus your efforts on school?  So many choices, so muc to decide....would love to hear what you think!

To the good men in my life

I never really had a true father in my life, but I do have my grandfather and uncles whom to me are good men in their own ways.  I love them and I know that they love me, with each of them I enjoy spending time with them.  So to these men whom I care for unconditionally I wish a Happy Fathers Day to Eric, Derrick and Gregory, may you have a fantastic day.

Love your Grand-daughter and neice

These are the times where I long for things..

Today I am letting a bit of my inner six year old write this post.  I feel a bit like I long for something I can not have, and all that would fix it is someone who had never been much vested in my life. This post for me is about longing for something I wish I had at this particular moment.  These moments come every so often, kind of like when you have a craving you are not able to satisfy.  What I mean is, during my childhood I thought I had something, when in truth looking back on it I did not.

In these moments of longing are for something I never had - that my friends is, a mother.    Someone whom I can call and chat with, laugh with, seek wisdom from, be consoled by and spend time with (as well as get the occasional hug from).  A mother knows when her children need her, even when they do their best to hide it from her.  That maternal instinct, which I thought would protect me, nurture, accept and unconditionally love me, came with pricey caveats I did not understand until later in life.  They came with a price which any true mother would think, too high and would make them null and void for the sake of  safety and prosperity of  her child.  I thought that by being a good child, who always listened to her mother, went to school, worked hard and lead by example that somehow all those things a mother does for her child unconditionally would be given to me by her.  Unfortunately, this is not the case.  I do not have the greatest relationship with the woman who gave birth to me, she for all of her intents and purposes has denied me and I do my best to rise above it. The reasons why, are too many to list, and right now a time best to avoid divulging in.

I do my best to seek these things I need and crave from the friends and family I surround myself with, but much like a craving there is the odd time where I naturally long for a moment that a daughter shares with her mother.

Today I will mark as a vulnerable one and will thank you for taking the time to read that which I have shared today.  I will make light of this moment in that it is ending, the sunset is beautiful and so am I despite my past.  I figure today I would just put it out there as to how I feel as way to move forward.  Tomorrow will be a better day.

Things today...

Five things I am greatful for today

• The sun
• Being able to register for my courses for fall, winter sessions
• Having a laugh in the lunch room
• Knowing that in a couple of weeks I will be on vacation
• Moving forward

When I take one step forward...

Sometimes my life feels a bit cliched, I know that there are moments where people are frustrated with change.  I took a big plunge last year, I did something I had been stalling on since I packed two suitcases and came to this city almost a decade ago.  Going back to school while working, was a choice I made, it scared the shit out of me but in my 'gut', my soul I knew that this was the choice for me.  Fail or not,  I had to try.  I have to admit my first year back was both challenging and rewarding, I had a focus, I made my own rules and asked for support and got what I needed.  Yet still the small things seem to cast a shadow on the path I blazed for myself. 

In looking back at what I accomplished, going back to university, with a full time work schedule, a 40% course load and on top of that taking on more responsibility at work. I did something beyond challenging and with all of this I passed my courses!!  I am so proud of this and yet why do I focus on the things I cannot control?  Why do I let it affect me in a way which makes all that I accomplished seem so trivial?  I feel like I am losing the grip on the goal of finishing my degree, because of the little things affecting me outside of school.  Really I should not and am doing my best to figure out a way to 'not sweat the small things' because they, do not fit into the scope of my goals, my dream and committment to myself. 

I will 'dig' myself out of this rut I let myself get into.  I am going to need to trust that it will all work out, that the small stuff will always be there and to just let it go.  There is no time or place for these things in the plan I have committed to.  I will need to find a way to re-engage myself with the things outside of school without taking the focus off of the promised I made to myself when I sent in the application and got accepted.  What I worry about more often than not, is the 'how'.  How am I going to make this happen?  How is this going to happen?  I need to trust in knowing that I will figure it out, probably stumble along the way, but this is what makes it endearing and human.

I had a few conversations with some dear friends of mine and what I have taken from them is a few nuggets I am going to try to use to keep me focused.  Writing down five things each day I am greatful for as well as, just keeping count in the time it will take me to get to compelte the goal of a honours degree!

So here goes, I have approximately 2 years of continuous study until I have completed my degree in sociology, two years fly by faster than I think it will, so eyes on the prize!

The five things I am greatlful for:

1. My cat greeting me when I came home from a long day
2. Talking to one of my closest friends to ground me
3. Being able to sit outside in the warm sun
4. Having an amazing doctor's office, in particular my doctors medical assistant, who is A-MAZ-ZING and is always helpful and kind to me when I have questions!
5. Falling in love with a Monet painting of a sunset and sharing that love

Here's to me working out of this rut.  One step in front of the other, here's to perpetual motion forward!


How do you re-engage yourself back into something you do and used to enjoy?  What are five things you are greatful for today? How do you get yourself out of a rut?

Sooner said than done....well seems like someone is reading my mind

So I called my grandfather to wish him a Happy Easter and as usual the phone call never seems to go as I expect which is usually half the fun of speaking with him.  He usually seems to say something that will console me in a way that he is reading my mind.  It is times like this where I wish we had an unlimited amount of time to talk and discuss things about life both, past, present and future.  I know it is a wish that will never be fulfilled but until his end of days I will do my best in cherishing the time I do have with him.

Granted he is not the biggest talker on the phone, but if you keep the topics coming he is pretty good about sharing things with me.  Seems that this call we had alot to talk about, this time it was me telling him that I finally got to ride the train for the very first time.  He worked for VIA and I always thought when I was little that I would ride the train with him.  I imagined that we would have the most amazing time, him telling me stories about what he did, who he met and information about the stops we arrived at.  On our call today he shared how he would take the train back to New Glasgow every year since his father passed away in 1979.  This is something I never knew and I am so glad he shared that with me.  Its calls like this that I cherish and wish to have more of with. 

We also spoke about how things are always changing and then we discussed relationships between family members and I shared something with him that I wanted to get off my chest.  It was much easier than I thought it would be I think it had to do more with me thinking that I would get more push back from him.  In fact it was, what I thought quite the opposite, I think he knew that once I set my mind to something especially something like this that there was no use in trying to dissuade me from it.  Once again it makes me glad that I have experienced him from childhood into adulthood.  Truly it is like knowing two different people, despite being the same person.  Knowing him as a child was amazing although I didn't always understand things I knew that he loved me, loved spending time with me and only once did he ever say he was disappointed in me and I thought it was the end of the world.  Experiencing him as an adult is the same but different....yes an oxymoron but I am sure you get it!  I know as an adult he loves me, loves spending time with me and that we can discuss things that I never thought we would get a chance to talk about.  I guess this is the joy of knowing your grandfather from a child to an adult. 

Now if all conversations with family were this easy, I think-no I know that we would be discussing things all of the time.  Here’s to forward thinking!  Okay 10 more minutes to Sunday and to that I am signing off and heading to bed so I can face Monday and its hopefully mundane-ness!

I was gone but now I am back on the band wagon!...My reflections of where I have been

I have to admit that I fell of the wagon of blogging, between school, work and commuting the rest of my life was spent either sleeping or reading with the occasional time slot for laundry and groceries.  So now that my finals are over and I decided with much trepidation and the fact that the courses I wanted to take were full that I am taking the summer semester off to regroup, and recoup some much needed rest and reflection.  To this point I have some things to catch up on and others to deal with so I look forward much to this ‘free’ time to do them!

What I have learnt in the short and at times what felt as long eight months is that I can and did push myself to lengths I never thought possible.  To me I have accomplished something despite the odds, doubts and obstacles put in front of me.  In some ways it has made me feel a lot stronger, but most of all humble and in awe of the good people I have surrounded myself with.  Granted your friends are not true blood family, but my good friends sure made me feel that not having the blood connection was a moot point as they were there for me, cheering me on through my ups and downs of my first two semesters back at university.  My endless gratitude goes out to them, in every and any capacity they played in keeping me focused and spirits high.

Now what I get to do during my down time, is going to be fun, which is something I know I need to incorporate back into my life and continue during school too as that was missing a bit.  I look forward to a few road trips and just being able to clear off my PVR which I feel very connected to (smile).  On an even personal note I have been putting to the side a few things I know I need to deal with.  I had to put them aside for me to get through my first year back to studies so this is my acknowledgement of that.  I have learnt that what I have been socialized to in familial unit is very different once I set out on my own, and reconciling the two to make it work for me and where I am at in my life has been a bit of a struggle.  I know now that what I was socialized to is a foundation and from there I can change and make my own rules, while doing my best to respect the institution of family.  Of course there are those who will not and do not like what I do with the rules, however this is my declaration; you will need to respect my choices in order to be a part of my world! 

I am the master of my own happiness and to that I do what makes me feel good and in my own time.  I have learnt that the little things I get from the interactions from family are what truly makes me happy.  For instance my sister (who is younger than me) actually sent me a bbm and wished her big sister a happy Easter.  To some it may be something one expects from a sibling, but to me it means even more, I did not expect it, I appreciate it more than I think I can even explain in this blog.  Truly it made my day J

So I end on this note, that I am back on the blogging band wagon and hope to share more of the evolution of me(EM).

Hasta Luego!

First week of a new regeim

So first week of workouts is done!  I wasn’t able to work out every day; however I did get to the gym a couple of times and went to yoga three times this week!  This week was exhausting and frustrating but I am glad that I have made a new dedication to making myself happy on the outside as I am on the inside.  This week made me realize, I am busy and that I need to communicate this more so that I can get the support and understanding from the same people who I support, so that I can continue to do what I am doing and find the balance.  Really I know that I will have to constantly challenge myself and that the first few days or even weeks might mean that I have to make adjustments, however the payoff is worth it! 

How do you challenge yourself?  Where do you get your support from?  How do you find balance to a busy, day, week, month or just in general life?

Yoga.....jury is still out

So in the midst of tying to keep on the path of eating right and fitting in workouts into my already busy schedule a friend and I decided to add Yoga to our workouts to keep us motivated in our journey's to our better feeling and looking selves.  Now I have not been the greatest fan of it as I am unable to clear my mind and truly focus on the task at hand, mainly due to the fact that there is sooo much going on in my mind that I have to keep up with.  Between what I need to do for work, school, home and then maintain some semblance of a social life when these essential activities in my life can be shufled around to fit this in I wonder if I can devote hours, months, and years to this journey why not 60 minutes dedicated to really giving this yoga a real chance?

I know I won't be some great kind of yogi, however being able to be flexible while detoxifying my body, quieting my mind and 'giving positive energy to my spirit' (as per my instructor from last nights class)....I'll keep you posted as to my progress on this.

What are your thoughts on yoga?  Is there a specific kind/practice you enjoy or not enjoy?  Do you prefer pilates or thai chi over yoga?  Where is your favourite studio to take classes at?

Pain is good...

So I did my first hot hatha yoga session on Saturday with my friend Nat!  I have to say I have never sweated like I did in that class, it was great, detoxifying and made me realize that I am not that flexible.  It made me realize that I need this challenge to get to that point of being able to go through a class like this and not be panting like I just ran five miles instead of doing a series of 10 up-ward dog, downward dog movements. 

Now that I have done my week of last suppers I am ready to get onto the train of hard work and pain are good things towards a better me!  Being able to make this change is not going to be easy but it is nice to know that I can share my journey with other friends who are on a very similar path of evolving into a better, healthier women!  So I have resovled to get to running before I get to work, so I must go pack my bag and lunch before I get some z's

Have you stuck with your new resolve/resolution for 2011?  If so how is it going?  If not, what has set you back and will get back on to the 'wagon'?  What else have you added to your workout routine/schedule?

The week of last suppers....

So this is my last week of enjoying all that is extremely bad for me but tastes ohhh sooo good till I get back on the band wagon of ensuring I meet my daily nutritional requirements in a very health conscious way.  I have to say I am comfortable with who I am as a person but not with the outside which encases it.  Look good and feel better is one of the motivations as well as doing a Biggest Loser challenge with my colleagues at work.  I am hoping that with a bit of ‘dosh’ at stake that it will help keep the competitive side of me motivated to keep me on the path of shedding the extra pounds. 

So my final supper will be one consisting of my favourite bar food; Chicken wings (spicy tasty sauced things) with a pint of beer!  Yes my former personal trainer has on many occasions pointed out that this bad dish is chocked full of the caloric intake of ....well I dare not say other than it is a guilty pleasure I will indulge in to kill a craving and kick start a new resolve.   Wish me luck!!!!!

What is your favourite guilty indulgence?  Would you do a Biggest Loser Challenge and if so how much would you wager?  A pound a week, two pounds a week with a $5 or $10 weekly buy in?

Technology...can you live without it?

Technology, we consume it like its water and then rely heavily on it sometimes much like addicts!  I say this because last night after I got home from my commute from class to come home, study and do a little be of catch up on my work from my day job my technology malfunctioned big time.  This left me feeling stressed, cranky and overall very unhappy. 

My desktop would start but freeze, my laptop would turn on but the screen was black.  I had essentially spent the time I had dedicated to being productive to trying to trouble shoot by myself and then with technical support.  I went to bed feeling defeated, and with the feeling that I had lost control of the things I felt I needed most to do the tasks which I had intended to do.  In my various states of frustration, I realized that really I could still do most of what I wanted to do last night, I should have just shifted gears and accepted that there was a problem but it couldn’t’ be fixed at that moment.  I realized I was fighting the inevitable and trying to win by trying to ‘fix’ my technical issues myself.  Now that I am writing this I know that there is a temporary solution to my problems and that in the meantime while these issues are being fixed I will make a bad situation into an opportunity!

Do not get me wrong here, I still require my technology (laptop, smart phones (yes plural), camera) however I do not need it all the time, the world will still go on and so will!  I am not going to go all crazy and do a techno-restricted fast, however I will do my best to unplug a bit more and do some things the old fashion way!  When I get my technical issues resolved I will hopefully try to keep this resolve moving forward!

How has technology affected your life?  Are you a junkie or recreational user?  What is your favourite gadget? What piece of technology could you live without for short period of time?  Have you ever done a technology fast where you unplug from everything (no cell, computre, smart phone etc)?

We are all busy but....

So with my busy schedule of going to school and working a full-time job I decided to join my colleagues in doing a Biggest Loser challenge.  I think it is a great idea to work as a group (even though competitively) towards making ourselves healthier as well as making some life style changes to a better us.  I do not know how I am going to fit it in, however that is not the point my point is that I will fit it in and it got me thinking about aside from my making myself into a better me, why not try to give back a little more this year?  I may not have the time in the world, and I definitely am not rich but I thought about donating blood, and the gently used clothing I do not use or cannot wear anymore. So this is a start, and I hope to continue to add to this list of items!  Either way I will keep you posted :)

Have you planned to give back this year?  If so how?  If not what would make you want to give back and where would you want to donate your time, self, or resources to?

New Year, new beginning; much like a pheonix we are reborn with newness

So 2010 came and went faster than I ever had anticipated, even though it was fast alot still happened and alot was learnt.  I realized that I had let everyone else control my happiness instead of me mastering control of it.  I learnt that I am stronger than I thought I was and that no matter what as stubborn as I am that word can be made into its better synonym, DETERMINED. 

I am determined to:  

• Let none else control my happiness
• Carve my own path
• Push myself as much as I can
• Leave the excuse of  I do not have the time to make myself feel and look better
• Give more to those in need
• Take care of my physical, emotional, financial, and spiritual health
• Take time to truly update my posts; which I have neglected

In short, do what make ME(EM) feel happy.  :)

It is not that I am trying to be selfish, this is not going to be a simple journey, I am far from perfect, however I know  at times I will but it is a triumph when I fall, I get back up and continue on!  I will peel back layers of myself and be proud of them as they have helped me become the person I am today and will be tomorrow.  The evolution of ME(EM) is ever changing and the change is the only constant thing!  Like the phoenix rising from the ash, I am reborn to experience new and great things

So with that ladies and gentlemen feel free to follow, and comment where you deem appropriate!

All the best for you in 2011 and I hope that you wish the same of me! 

 -raise your glass to CHANGE!