So much can happen in a short amount of time....well short in the span of a life time. I never thought that the things which have come to pass would have actually happened, and yet they did. Everyday is a different day and to be honest some aren't so good and others are and overall I am pretty satsified they happened they way they did.
I have experienced loss in many forms but I never thought I would experience loss quite like I did this year. I know I have so many questions which will likely go unanswered. This loss is something I couldn't prevent, and despite knowing this a part of me feels like I could have affected it in some way. I understand that this is something we as humans try to do, to control something which ultimately out of our reach. Making peace with this loss is and will be an ongoing process. I miss her dearly and wish that she reached out a bit more or I had asked more poignant questions to get a dialogue started.
In terms of my education I know that to use it as a distraction is something which should be avoided at all costs. My education and finishing my degree are very important to me, it is a goal which I must remind myself is part of a journey. Just like life to set a date to finish is nice however realistically to have that date as a hard limit/dead line is the antithesis of having a goal. I must remind myself of this every so often as I am a person of action and to feel like I am stagnant or complacent is a big fear. Inherenlty I know that this will not happen and ultimately I am doing my best to cut myself some slack....but I am human :)
Professionally I have learnt quite a bit, however I am still doing my best to process it in a way which I can put into type. For now it is safe to say that I have very few regrets and am positive that bigger, better as well as much more fulfilling roles are in my near future! I will keep you posted.....
In turning a year older I marked my birthday as the new year, it was good to just be surrounded by good friends. The energy was positive, encouraging and loving! Friends are truly the family you choose, and I am grateful for that. As we progress in our life journeys it is beyond great to witness the special moments in eachothers lives. It makes me excited to say: "Whats next?!"
In terms of my blood relations it is always difficult for me. The cliche of the ones you love hurt you the most is both true and false. I never thought I would feel such disappointment, exposure (in that I am left on my own), or loss of connection. I have had to distance and limit myself and contact as I need to be happy, life my life and ENJOY it. My doing this is more for self preservation than anything else, I will remain hopeful that we will have some sort of quality connection however as it stands for now it just not the right time.
I regret very little in the years I have lived so far, I have learned so much and will continue to learn. I am not going to lie, this has been a very tough year but much like time, this too shall pass. I hate the saying of : What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but it is true. I am stronger than I was before...a toast to those pushing through the pain you will get better, be better.
