They say the first year after someone has gone is the hardest, mine has had its trials and tribulations but also moments of joy and triumphs. I truly didn't expect to feel the way I do today, this weekend being the holiday in which I lost someone who I loved dearly and tried my best to treat as a sibling even though she was my cousin. I can remember moments of her when she was a little baby; most of her personality was coming out then and stayed true until she left this earth. She was playful, funny, determined, loving, and always did her best for you to see life through her eyes. She was not perfect nor did she try to be, she wanted to be loved an accepted as most children do and she was by alot of us.
I always tried to make sure that she knew where she could reach me, I wanted to let her know that I was there for her without judgement, an ear to listen and someone to talk to regardless. I have very few regrets and with her I wish I asked more questions, the hard ones and ensured that I would listen and be there whenever she needed me. Alas this is something I can't change and even with her passing she taught me something with her passing. This first year I lost a lot and gained just as much, this year has been without her but, I know moving forward that I will think of her often and hope she is still at peace, perhaps happy and keeping company with my grandmother. The world keeps turning so I must keep on moving, I won't ever forget
her and hope that I can be there for my niece in a way that ensures she
never feels alone or lost. I look up towards the night sky and hope
that one of the many stars is her and the one next to that is our
grandmother.
With this Easter, my first without her and my sister I hope that they know I miss them and think of them often. That I wish they are at peace and in a better place and that I hope they know how much they are loved. I hope for my friends who have been supportive of me, that they are happy, healthy and they receive everything they need. That this first year of holidays for me will be challenging however the following years will hurt less and less. So hugs the ones you have close to you and make sure that sometimes doing what is right is harder than what is easy especially if it is someone you care about.
