Girls Weekend!!!

A weekend with the girls was what I needed and granted not all of my nearest and dearest couldn’t attend I was still grateful that I had a fantastic time…there will be more and other girls weekends ahead, I can feel it!!!

After a very long week full of challenges as well as disappointments I never knew how tired I was till I stopped moving and the train started rolling…I slept soundly whenever I chose to; it was AWESOME!!!  Granted I did not get to do all that I wanted, however the weekend was exactly what I needed and I am better for it.  I was so glad to be in the company of some really great people!

Being around dear friends who only want the best for you is refreshing, something which should be cherished and nurtured.  My girlfriends are the family of sisters who are not of my blood but are of my spirit.  They are my beacons of truth when something difficult needs to be said or realized.  They are also the women whom I can hold up a mirror and say:  ‘Wow I am glad that I am not the only one who thinks this’. These sister’s in spirit also are able to act like balm to soothe a broken heart or soul.  These women I know will leave indelible bonds in my life as I hope I will with theirs. 

I laughed, ate, drank with some really cool people this weekend was one full of great memories, food and laughter.  I have a feeling that another trip will need to be in order and hopefully sooner rather than later!!!

I do hope that you have friends which you can truly be yourself with and in turn they with you.  I also hope that they care enough to be honest with you no matter what as well as caring enough to want to see the best in you and for you!

A raised glass to the great girlfriends in my life!

A bit of a breakdown...

So I am trying to get the last of my assignments completed from assignmentpalooza, 2 weeks of intense work, school and trying to have a bit of a life. A balance is what I am striving for but I realize I am human and the operative word to me getting balance is: trying.

I am trying to get to that magical place of cutting some slack for myself. That this season of work and semesters of school are intense, complicated and beyond grueling. I have to admit that there are times that I want to throw in the towel, however fleeting it is at least I can admit it to myself. I quickly remind myself that it is something I promised myself that I would do, finish a degree and go back to complete another. I also have to keep reminding myself that it is a journey, not a race and that I also have the advantage to a degree of being older. When it comes to school, I do not fight things I do not know, at least not superficially. I realize that my need to take research methods is not for me to become a researcher, this is not where my 'heart' lies. My taking this prerequisite, is part in parcel a bureaucratic, policy and revenue making endeavor that my university has deemed necessary. In keeping with the branding of the university of seeing different perspectives of the same thing, research methods (or stats take your poison) is just one of those things I will take, hate and fingers cross pass.

So in saying my realization and resignation to knowing that my end goal is to pass, I had a bit of moment last night. Fueled by sleep deprivation, stressed with a heavy workload; just like my colleagues, on top of just general frustration of my current state, I had to have an emotional moment where all I did was shed tears and blow my nose into half a box of Kleenex. I knew that this moment was coming; I just didn't think it would happen right then and there. So instead of fighting it, I had a good cry, washed my face brushed my teeth and went to bed VERY early with the intention of waking up before the sun did.

I am still trying to get this assignment out of my head and on to paper, but there is a part of me that really doubts myself in thinking that I understand what is being asked of me, and me trying to execute it with the very least a modicum of success. I guess it comes down to the fear of being wrong. So I have to challenge myself in seeing that sometimes and especially in this case it might be good to be wrong! I can learn from my mistakes and hopefully apply them to the next time something like this comes along (cause they usually do).

So here's to my attempt of doing the last of my assignments well, hopefully I will get a better mark than I did on my last assignment!!!

In the final stretch....

So am just rounding the final bend of the two week marathon of assignments.  It feels so close and yet so far, let me tell you I can taste the finish line which will be full of fun times, booze and probably some much needed sleep!

What I have learnt is that yes I thrive on challenges, ones that engage me these-well these were not full of engagement other than for me to get'er done and hand'er in.  I did learn that I should plan more for these and incorporate breaks for a big glass of wine curled up with a tv program or book I have been meaning to watch and or read.  Also the social aspect of just hanging out with friends, I SO miss that.  I must get back to this as I feel like quite the loner, shut in at home, or a coffee shop armed with my laptop, various notebooks, binders and my trusty ipod.  I want to just shed them for a little bit and scheduled some 'Fun-E time'.  This my friends is a definite.

Work-life-school-study-sleep balance is a fuckin' doozy this go-round.  I have consumed copious amounts of coffee, and red bull.  Enough to make me realize that on occasion, I have caffinated myself just a wee-too much and had to readjust with a sleeping aid.  I am determined to get this semester under control and at best pass with a grade anyone who is working full-time (and sometimes thensome) while going to school part-time can.  I gave up the dream of pulling A's as these are not 'bird' courses.  These courses require a different kind of focus, one which only someone who is going to school full-time can devote.  This is not me giving up, but realizing that passing will need to be my only goal this semester.  Any further pressure I put on myself could result in anxiety, and for someone who is truly harder on herself than anyone ever could be; would result in a death spiral of depression and disappointment.

So with that realiztion that yes, I can do three grueling assignments ove the span of two weeks while working full-time; that some things will be sacrificed, like:  sleep, sex, fun, eating, fun, drinking, fun, socializing oh and did I mention FUN?!!!

I am not complaining, just stating facts, and with that there is tonnes of lessons learned here, which I will impart on another day when a lit-review of five scholarly, peer reviewed journal articles are not due on Thursday.

E, over and out till next post!