I think that these moments of joy with my niece will always have a twinge of bitter-sweetness. Today she graduated kindergarten, and boy was she beaming! When my brother-in-law emailed me the photo it really made my day. But....I stopped and thought about my sister, how she was never going to see this, how my niece will never get the chance to say 'Look Mom, I did it!' I started to get weepy in that two people whom I love have been cheated out of a great experience, one of those mother daughter moments.
At times I am both angry and sad that this is happening to my niece, however the positive out of all of this which will constantly happen is that other family members who love her just as much are in her life witnessing these moments, beaming smiles and tears of joy; but always twinged with a note of sadness because my sister isn't there to see and feel what we do.
My niece is such a happy little girl, full of wonder, imagination and a personality which endears most to her like sunlight to a flower. She has the capacity to make everyone feel they are part of making a moment with her. I fight for her to protect this ability, this spark, she has because when I see it in her I am reminded at times that it was robbed from me. I do not ever want her to feel or go through some of the things which I have. I want to be able to have her be this happy little girl for as much and as long as possible.
So with this moment, which there will be so many I am so thankful for being able to be a part of my niece's life, even when I live where I live. My brother-in-law and his family have promised to make sure that doesn't change. I truly am enamored with my niece and I hope she knows how much I love her and hope that we continue this great bond and relationship. This is what I remind myself in spite of the bitter-sweetness I feel that the joy far out-weights it without fail.
143 Chickaflea to the moon and back and then some.
Your Aunt
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