In the home stretch of all things Winter...

So all things to do with Winter semester are slowly coming to a close and I am excited and limping towards the end of this chapter.  What Fall and Winter term semesters without  a little ‘adventure’?  To say that my life is boring is like sticking your head in a lions mouth, it seems cool but really that isn’t plausible (blame my lack of sleep for this analogy).  What I mean to say is that it has been full of acceptance, growth and learning’s in all forms.  

I am trying to get out two papers which are my last assignments of the semester and let me tell you, they are like turds of creative constipation….so tough to get out but they have been brewing in my mind for what seems like ages.  I am using this blog entry as a last attempt to get them from my mind and into coherent sentences which will make two 10 page essays!!!  I do not know about you but this is not the most enjoyable, it is full of me trying to fight the want to go and lay down, however I know if I stop it will take AGES for me to get back on my academically creative writing horse.  So in short I will need to ride it out till the last coherent (hopefully) cyphers of academic genius!!!

I am challenged in a I thought I never would be, courses in which I know in some way will help me however in the short term knowing that this knowledge on some levels will be anything but practical.  I can see myself playing trivial pursuit or jeopardy and being asked something which only these two courses I took in university would either win me the game  I am playing or put me ahead of my competitors.  Yes my inner geek will thank me later, but my very present procrastinator spirit for these courses is telling me I have revved up enough juice to continue on for the next 1000 words to completion!  Wish me luck that I am able to get a sufficiently good mark ;) 

A bit of a breakdown...

So I am trying to get the last of my assignments completed from assignmentpalooza, 2 weeks of intense work, school and trying to have a bit of a life. A balance is what I am striving for but I realize I am human and the operative word to me getting balance is: trying.

I am trying to get to that magical place of cutting some slack for myself. That this season of work and semesters of school are intense, complicated and beyond grueling. I have to admit that there are times that I want to throw in the towel, however fleeting it is at least I can admit it to myself. I quickly remind myself that it is something I promised myself that I would do, finish a degree and go back to complete another. I also have to keep reminding myself that it is a journey, not a race and that I also have the advantage to a degree of being older. When it comes to school, I do not fight things I do not know, at least not superficially. I realize that my need to take research methods is not for me to become a researcher, this is not where my 'heart' lies. My taking this prerequisite, is part in parcel a bureaucratic, policy and revenue making endeavor that my university has deemed necessary. In keeping with the branding of the university of seeing different perspectives of the same thing, research methods (or stats take your poison) is just one of those things I will take, hate and fingers cross pass.

So in saying my realization and resignation to knowing that my end goal is to pass, I had a bit of moment last night. Fueled by sleep deprivation, stressed with a heavy workload; just like my colleagues, on top of just general frustration of my current state, I had to have an emotional moment where all I did was shed tears and blow my nose into half a box of Kleenex. I knew that this moment was coming; I just didn't think it would happen right then and there. So instead of fighting it, I had a good cry, washed my face brushed my teeth and went to bed VERY early with the intention of waking up before the sun did.

I am still trying to get this assignment out of my head and on to paper, but there is a part of me that really doubts myself in thinking that I understand what is being asked of me, and me trying to execute it with the very least a modicum of success. I guess it comes down to the fear of being wrong. So I have to challenge myself in seeing that sometimes and especially in this case it might be good to be wrong! I can learn from my mistakes and hopefully apply them to the next time something like this comes along (cause they usually do).

So here's to my attempt of doing the last of my assignments well, hopefully I will get a better mark than I did on my last assignment!!!