A bit of a breakdown...

So I am trying to get the last of my assignments completed from assignmentpalooza, 2 weeks of intense work, school and trying to have a bit of a life. A balance is what I am striving for but I realize I am human and the operative word to me getting balance is: trying.

I am trying to get to that magical place of cutting some slack for myself. That this season of work and semesters of school are intense, complicated and beyond grueling. I have to admit that there are times that I want to throw in the towel, however fleeting it is at least I can admit it to myself. I quickly remind myself that it is something I promised myself that I would do, finish a degree and go back to complete another. I also have to keep reminding myself that it is a journey, not a race and that I also have the advantage to a degree of being older. When it comes to school, I do not fight things I do not know, at least not superficially. I realize that my need to take research methods is not for me to become a researcher, this is not where my 'heart' lies. My taking this prerequisite, is part in parcel a bureaucratic, policy and revenue making endeavor that my university has deemed necessary. In keeping with the branding of the university of seeing different perspectives of the same thing, research methods (or stats take your poison) is just one of those things I will take, hate and fingers cross pass.

So in saying my realization and resignation to knowing that my end goal is to pass, I had a bit of moment last night. Fueled by sleep deprivation, stressed with a heavy workload; just like my colleagues, on top of just general frustration of my current state, I had to have an emotional moment where all I did was shed tears and blow my nose into half a box of Kleenex. I knew that this moment was coming; I just didn't think it would happen right then and there. So instead of fighting it, I had a good cry, washed my face brushed my teeth and went to bed VERY early with the intention of waking up before the sun did.

I am still trying to get this assignment out of my head and on to paper, but there is a part of me that really doubts myself in thinking that I understand what is being asked of me, and me trying to execute it with the very least a modicum of success. I guess it comes down to the fear of being wrong. So I have to challenge myself in seeing that sometimes and especially in this case it might be good to be wrong! I can learn from my mistakes and hopefully apply them to the next time something like this comes along (cause they usually do).

So here's to my attempt of doing the last of my assignments well, hopefully I will get a better mark than I did on my last assignment!!!

Technology...can you live without it?

Technology, we consume it like its water and then rely heavily on it sometimes much like addicts!  I say this because last night after I got home from my commute from class to come home, study and do a little be of catch up on my work from my day job my technology malfunctioned big time.  This left me feeling stressed, cranky and overall very unhappy. 

My desktop would start but freeze, my laptop would turn on but the screen was black.  I had essentially spent the time I had dedicated to being productive to trying to trouble shoot by myself and then with technical support.  I went to bed feeling defeated, and with the feeling that I had lost control of the things I felt I needed most to do the tasks which I had intended to do.  In my various states of frustration, I realized that really I could still do most of what I wanted to do last night, I should have just shifted gears and accepted that there was a problem but it couldn’t’ be fixed at that moment.  I realized I was fighting the inevitable and trying to win by trying to ‘fix’ my technical issues myself.  Now that I am writing this I know that there is a temporary solution to my problems and that in the meantime while these issues are being fixed I will make a bad situation into an opportunity!

Do not get me wrong here, I still require my technology (laptop, smart phones (yes plural), camera) however I do not need it all the time, the world will still go on and so will!  I am not going to go all crazy and do a techno-restricted fast, however I will do my best to unplug a bit more and do some things the old fashion way!  When I get my technical issues resolved I will hopefully try to keep this resolve moving forward!

How has technology affected your life?  Are you a junkie or recreational user?  What is your favourite gadget? What piece of technology could you live without for short period of time?  Have you ever done a technology fast where you unplug from everything (no cell, computre, smart phone etc)?